...also you should have only seen the kitty if you paid, and Edith, THAT MONEY IS GOING BACK TO YOU! It's too late if you did, but I'd have been happy to just give you the upgrade/books. But yes, tuxedos are too good for this universe and they know it.
No idea if I am paid or not. I can't keep track. Writers is like an addiction though. So I am fine with it. The money goes to the moving. It's been one hell of a ride. I had a tux with a half stash named bb boi, but he was in love with my friend, cats choose you. Miss the neck snuggles though. I already have a horde of cats who follow me around STL.
Yes! I've been giving them unsalted pistachios. Gave them bacon once and they seemed to be mad that I didn't have bacon every day since so we're working on the next-gen
(For the record: you are not a paid subscriber. I tried to paywall the gato but something went wrong, so that was my clownfoolery)
I dug it. loved the entire mood you put to page. I think my biggest critism is that it went on a bit too long. It was full of tension but some of the middle I think could of been widdled down to have that shit be truly relentless until the trigger pulls.
I super enjoyed it though. the message and mood is there and your wood choice makes the whole thing better. good job homie!
Thank you! You are not the first to point out that I could shorten my stories, so I'm definitely paying attention to that critique. I appreciate that :D
it was nail gun when i read it the first time and now its double barrelled
its like...the same...but more...
somehow the pace is more coherent the story makes more sense (even though the premise is utterly mental) and the ... dare I say ...motivation for the feverishness is clearer...more logical within the craziness.
the cameraman is more detestable..a more COMPLETE character... there is a back story there you can feel.
even the onion is more of a character...its got history. I am still astounded by the onion. of all things. the onion is great.
the treatment of the gun... its more ... potent? more brooding joyous menace...it builds the tension... i was still.hoping fat fucking nazi mike would get the bullet but yeah...you stayed true to the vision ai think.
I can't see any glaring differences jumping out...its the same but just better all over in a subliminal way
Thank you, Nick! The gun was (intended as) the same in both drafts, a single action revolver, so if that did bot translate I’ll have to fix/meditate on that.
Of your other comments: right?? Our editor saw what I was trying to do, dug deep, and pulled the gold out of it. I’m so stoked he saw the onion for what it is.
I appreciate you and the time you took to read this, thank you! I look forward to seeing your own rebisdions
The final version has dropped! Five days ago, but that time let the unfinished Autopsied version ferment a little as I wondered how it would end. I’ll say no more. If you’re reading this, read THIS! ⬇️⬇️⬇️
Haha, it occurs to me now that this makes for a fine share, but a weird comment.
The ending lived up to my hopes! A couple of twists in there, and Chekhov strikes again!
As with the movie masterpiece Network, they’ll finger their pearls and say how dare you, this could never happen, and then zoom right past it in the span of a decade. Or sooner.
Excellent. Very much loved this one. Also cute tuxedo. Cats that forever rule the universe.
Thank you! I am stoked to see you enjoyed it!
...also you should have only seen the kitty if you paid, and Edith, THAT MONEY IS GOING BACK TO YOU! It's too late if you did, but I'd have been happy to just give you the upgrade/books. But yes, tuxedos are too good for this universe and they know it.
But I still want to emphasize it's an incredible read here.
Thank you so much!
No idea if I am paid or not. I can't keep track. Writers is like an addiction though. So I am fine with it. The money goes to the moving. It's been one hell of a ride. I had a tux with a half stash named bb boi, but he was in love with my friend, cats choose you. Miss the neck snuggles though. I already have a horde of cats who follow me around STL.
Word.
Oh yeah, I can only imagine. I'm glad y'all are gettin' out though.
Cats DO choose you. Oh that's awesome! I've been getting the NW crows on my side and have a pair that follows me to work
If you give crows treats they will bring you trinkets. And then you'll become a folklore archetype.
Yes! I've been giving them unsalted pistachios. Gave them bacon once and they seemed to be mad that I didn't have bacon every day since so we're working on the next-gen
(For the record: you are not a paid subscriber. I tried to paywall the gato but something went wrong, so that was my clownfoolery)
Damn, that was intense! I'm not sure when it started but I had to unclench my jaw at the end. Good stuff, buddy!
Thank you bud! I really appreciate you reading it. Remind me to stop hate-watching infomercials
True story, Chuck Palahniuk’s favorite thing to do for a while used to be to get twacked out on Valium and watch Home Shopping Network.
No shit? What a lovely menace, we don’t deserve him
Damn this is good!!! 🔥
Awesome writing M.P.👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Great job with the editing assistance Emil!🩶
Thank you. I just gave some nudges, the story was already fucking great. (I’d have had him shoot the cameraman at the end.)
Thank you, I really appreciate that. Did you curse?
...Emil is a consummate professional; he always does a good job :D
Of course I did!
"Me? I'm king dick. Always am."
To say that during this situation is funny as a mothafucka😂😂
Hah! That character is such a shithead :D
This story goes off like a bang!
Thank you, it's because the onion has layers ;P
Onions make me sad.
Holy fucking goddamn.
Yes, that's right!
With a hard TH.
Cursing is an art
And you’ve got an MFA.
MoTHa Fuckin' Ass-burger?
…yes?
I dug it. loved the entire mood you put to page. I think my biggest critism is that it went on a bit too long. It was full of tension but some of the middle I think could of been widdled down to have that shit be truly relentless until the trigger pulls.
I super enjoyed it though. the message and mood is there and your wood choice makes the whole thing better. good job homie!
Thank you! You are not the first to point out that I could shorten my stories, so I'm definitely paying attention to that critique. I appreciate that :D
wow
it was nail gun when i read it the first time and now its double barrelled
its like...the same...but more...
somehow the pace is more coherent the story makes more sense (even though the premise is utterly mental) and the ... dare I say ...motivation for the feverishness is clearer...more logical within the craziness.
the cameraman is more detestable..a more COMPLETE character... there is a back story there you can feel.
even the onion is more of a character...its got history. I am still astounded by the onion. of all things. the onion is great.
the treatment of the gun... its more ... potent? more brooding joyous menace...it builds the tension... i was still.hoping fat fucking nazi mike would get the bullet but yeah...you stayed true to the vision ai think.
I can't see any glaring differences jumping out...its the same but just better all over in a subliminal way
you both put some work into this for sure!
been a privelege to watch the process and learn.
now I've got to finish MY re write...
Thank you, Nick! The gun was (intended as) the same in both drafts, a single action revolver, so if that did bot translate I’ll have to fix/meditate on that.
Of your other comments: right?? Our editor saw what I was trying to do, dug deep, and pulled the gold out of it. I’m so stoked he saw the onion for what it is.
I appreciate you and the time you took to read this, thank you! I look forward to seeing your own rebisdions
The onion was the emotional core of the story. (I don't think I've written that before.) I thought it was pretty obvious.
The onion has layers.
The final version has dropped! Five days ago, but that time let the unfinished Autopsied version ferment a little as I wondered how it would end. I’ll say no more. If you’re reading this, read THIS! ⬇️⬇️⬇️
Hell yeah 😄🖖
Haha, it occurs to me now that this makes for a fine share, but a weird comment.
The ending lived up to my hopes! A couple of twists in there, and Chekhov strikes again!
As with the movie masterpiece Network, they’ll finger their pearls and say how dare you, this could never happen, and then zoom right past it in the span of a decade. Or sooner.
That’s the one. Well, now I’ve revised my comment/share on your revision!
I love this 🤣
Oh no worries!
I am glad (and relieved) that it lived up to your hopes. Thank you for the read, I appreciate ya!
This was the ticket!
Thank you 🖖 I appreciate the read!
Naw, I only began reading up on craft in January. I'll check it out!
I'm not precious about my writing, and not looking for validation, critiques are welcome (but also not expected).
Thank you 🖖
This is such a weird comment. There must be nuance attached the audience isn't aware of.
Usually when using nuance you would want to include a context clue, just a friendly tip. 😊
His editing suggestions were amazing. I hope he knows how much I appreciate the work he put into it
Thank you, Zivah, that means a lot to me!
Thank you, Lyndsey! I appreciate that-- Emil's edits are worth the money
Thank you 🖖
No thank you. Now I've got to work on getting internet in this place so that I can actually do work. Oh God. What have I done.
You're welcome, no worries! Just glad you are out!
Now you become Death, the destroyer of words