read this twice now. super original and memorable voice. The prose is excellent and innovative and interesting. Maybe sometimes too good it can be a bit distracting from the story. The world building was top notch. The threads of the Donner family, this desolate world, snow, and valentines day was all rich material. My own critique would be the structure. I think you started the story at the wrong place, you didn't delineate the threads well enough before bringing them together, and you over-wrote it. I think you could maybe lose a third of this and have a tighter, less confusing, and richer story. I think another draft of this could be even better! I enjoyed this really though because the writing has so much energy that it is easy to get through.
You better bet I’m writing all of this down! I had not considered that it was overwritten (definitely will moving forward) and I totally see what you mean about the prose maybe being a little indulgent. Thanks dude! I appreciate this kind of feedback 😁
i feel like the heart of the story was that line i shared with the quote text. That was when i felt punched by the emotion that made the voice and the visceral details lock in for me. All great stories could be shorter. There is a great Richard Yates quote where he is apologizing for the length of a letter, saying it would've been shorter if he only had more time.
I will never be a writer that writes like you can so I just have to get comfortable with what I can do.
seriously disturbing and fascinating. robot cat pepsi machine... i cannot fathom your mind, brother! don't know what's real or imagined. but what a tale. the almost jaunty dialogue vs the horrific bluntness of the cannibal family's demise. in a snowy menace building landscape love story. sheesh.
What’d our Tyrant Editor say? Tell the truth and wrap it in lies?
You don’t want to write like I do, trust me— you want to write what you do. I am forever jealous of your hateful Reverend and the way you make it dreadful, horrific, and over the top with dry humor. That’s my shit, Nick, and I can’t write that
A garbage-plastic future obsessed with (nay, haunted by!) the frostbitten flesh of its past. Super effective. Will read again—once the feeling comes back into my hands.
Love the world building and the voice. Sci-fi dystopia is a true playground and you were on the swings, the roundabout, the witch’s hat and the rope thing that I always avoided.
Reading ARC’s restack comments (and Emil’s agreement, I can definitely see what he means. That’s where the clever editing/constructive criticism comes in and where we bow at the feet of people who know more about this writing malarkey.
I love a good bit of back story, though. I can’t help it!
Thank you for reading it and I am glad you enjoyed doing so! I really appreciate their input, I am largely self-taught with no degree, I honestly can't believe I get this level of feedback for free!
I’m in a similar position - self-taught all the way! It’s a real buzz to receive constructive feedback, isn’t it? Your story made me think a little bit of Wall-E - and that film had me in tears.
Dope story, a shit ton of great voice, and incredible energy. The characters were dynamic and the plot compelling. Clearly an experienced writer. I'd have to do a lot more work for a deep dive on this one. This already is quite good from my first listen.
Wow. Loved the journey back and forth. I mean, if “love” is an appropriate word for this sad tale!
I am glad you enjoyed it, thank you for your readership! 😁
excited
Hell yeah. Lemme know your thoughts whenever you get back to this
read this twice now. super original and memorable voice. The prose is excellent and innovative and interesting. Maybe sometimes too good it can be a bit distracting from the story. The world building was top notch. The threads of the Donner family, this desolate world, snow, and valentines day was all rich material. My own critique would be the structure. I think you started the story at the wrong place, you didn't delineate the threads well enough before bringing them together, and you over-wrote it. I think you could maybe lose a third of this and have a tighter, less confusing, and richer story. I think another draft of this could be even better! I enjoyed this really though because the writing has so much energy that it is easy to get through.
You better bet I’m writing all of this down! I had not considered that it was overwritten (definitely will moving forward) and I totally see what you mean about the prose maybe being a little indulgent. Thanks dude! I appreciate this kind of feedback 😁
i feel like the heart of the story was that line i shared with the quote text. That was when i felt punched by the emotion that made the voice and the visceral details lock in for me. All great stories could be shorter. There is a great Richard Yates quote where he is apologizing for the length of a letter, saying it would've been shorter if he only had more time.
Oh hell yeah, I didn’t see you were restacking pull quotes, thank you! I’ll get to them when my shift is over (love that from Yates btw)
I will never be a writer that writes like you can so I just have to get comfortable with what I can do.
seriously disturbing and fascinating. robot cat pepsi machine... i cannot fathom your mind, brother! don't know what's real or imagined. but what a tale. the almost jaunty dialogue vs the horrific bluntness of the cannibal family's demise. in a snowy menace building landscape love story. sheesh.
Thank you brother. I am a living clown
What’d our Tyrant Editor say? Tell the truth and wrap it in lies?
You don’t want to write like I do, trust me— you want to write what you do. I am forever jealous of your hateful Reverend and the way you make it dreadful, horrific, and over the top with dry humor. That’s my shit, Nick, and I can’t write that
A garbage-plastic future obsessed with (nay, haunted by!) the frostbitten flesh of its past. Super effective. Will read again—once the feeling comes back into my hands.
I really appreciate that! And thank you for reading it :D
I really appreciate that! And thank you for reading it :D
Love the world building and the voice. Sci-fi dystopia is a true playground and you were on the swings, the roundabout, the witch’s hat and the rope thing that I always avoided.
Reading ARC’s restack comments (and Emil’s agreement, I can definitely see what he means. That’s where the clever editing/constructive criticism comes in and where we bow at the feet of people who know more about this writing malarkey.
I love a good bit of back story, though. I can’t help it!
That rope-thing was my Viet Nam war...
Thank you for reading it and I am glad you enjoyed doing so! I really appreciate their input, I am largely self-taught with no degree, I honestly can't believe I get this level of feedback for free!
I’m in a similar position - self-taught all the way! It’s a real buzz to receive constructive feedback, isn’t it? Your story made me think a little bit of Wall-E - and that film had me in tears.
It really is! Awe, I'll take any connection to Wall-E as a compliment
Well-deserved!
What in the goodness gracious did I just read? Wow, this is spectacular!
Why, you just read "Love is a Snow-Lettered Word"!
But seriously, no, thank you! I appreciate that you read this, unrepentant cur that you are 🖖
You did all the words. I have none. So good. Love. ❤️
Thank you, but do you see how much work I have to put in to compete with "Tacophony"?
But seriously, thank you, and thank you for reading!
Ha!!
This was a two-read wonder. I got so much more by going back and reading again. The protagonist's childish naivety makes this deliciously unnerving.
Shit, thank you for reading this TWICE! I really appreciate it :D
Out-fucking-standing. This piece is just... Man, fuck you, this is good.
Thank you, did it hit? That's a high god damn compliment, thank you for reading it
It hit.
hell yeah
Dope story, a shit ton of great voice, and incredible energy. The characters were dynamic and the plot compelling. Clearly an experienced writer. I'd have to do a lot more work for a deep dive on this one. This already is quite good from my first listen.
Fuck, thanks bud, that's a high compliment coming from you! I appreciate your readership
Holy shit! Thank you for reading! Always layer up for the cold ;P